What is a reamsbottom?

So I was approached by a co-worker today in regards to a personal dilemma she had. She preceded the questions with “you have had lots of dating experience, so I thought I would ask you.” My memory fails me quite often, but I do believe she almost made quote marks with her fingers when she said “experience.” But that doesn’t matter… I was rather flattered, that a good-looking single woman, came to a married, fat guy for relationship advice.

Sidenote: Being a fat guy does not mean you don’t know how to please the ladies, win them over, or talk to them keeping their utmost interest … it simply means you can’t do so in a tiny car. I apologize for the digression from the story, but it had to be said.

So the question was, “How do I tell a guy I had one date with, that I don’t want to see him again?”

I responded with a question men everywhere will appreciate, “Bluntly.”

The reason I gave this answer, is because men are dumb when it comes to women. If we are attracted to you, and you say, “I can’t go out for dinner tonight, maybe some other time” we actually think you mean some other time. We don’t understand that you actually mean, “You have a nose hair issue, and you are kind of a nerd… you don’t even begin to meet my unreasonable standards.”

Bluntness is everyones friend. Men actually understand, and women don’t have to worry about a guy asking to go out with her ten times over. Oh and guys, I have to give you the man code warning; if the lady is nice enough to be blunt, take the hint, don’t be a dink.

So then my lovely coworker put much more faith in my relationship abilities, and asked what she should say. I have to admit, at this time, the smart ass in me took over. I am about to share with you some of the best let down lines I can think of, but lets be real… being blunt does not mean you have to be rude.

1. I would love to go for dinner, but the though of you makes me throw up in my mouth a little bit, so for health reasons I can’t.
2. I would love to go out for coffee, but I was hoping to go with your smarter, better looking, younger brother. You do have a brother right?
3. I would love to go out with you, but I was hoping to have kids one day, and you just don’t have the genes I’m looking for, so I’ll have turn you down. It’s not that you aren’t a nice guy, I just don’t want to be responsible for the demise of our species by letting you mate.

Okay, so those are pretty rude… I agree. I would never say that nor want that said to me. Instead I said, “Thanks thinking of me, and thankfor the offer, but I’m afraid I will have to pass on your offer. Take care.” How nice is that! And its blunt! No need for turning down the guy again.. unless he’s an idiot. No need to feel that he ma misconstrue your meaning.

Yes he will be disappointed, but he won’t think you a liar and he won’t think you rude. All he will think is , “Shit, I blew my chances with that girl.” And really is this not the ultimate goal.

I have learnt something in all my dating experience, and that is that we waste our own time by not being blunt and going for what we want. Everyone has certain things they want in a relationship. What are those things, does the person you date have those things? No. Then answer why you are in the relationship. If the answer is that the person you are dating made you realize you want new things… then definitely explore the relationship. If the answer is “I don’t know” then get the hell out, and search some more. Don’t stay in a relationship to not be alone, stay in a relationship because that person makes your engine purr.

Most importantly, if a guy or girl asks you out, and you don’t want to go, don’t feel guilty for saying no. But say no for the right reasons.

Finally, I would just like to point out, that I am so happy I’m married. Not only am I happy because I have found that woman that makes my engine purr, my lips smile and my heart pound, but also because after helping my coworker today, I realized how great it is to be married. The challenges are new. Marriage challenges different comfort levels and the rewards are that much greater. It isn’t so much the certificate of marriage that accomplishes this, but the sense that you have found the person you want to grow old with

reamsbottom(reemz.bah.tum): 1. a man who loves his wife. 2. a person to grow old with.

Today’s post is short.

Don’t phone me ask me a question, and then immediately give me the answer to your question and hang up.

Plain and simple, its irksome… but thanks for calling and have a great day.

This post is pure rant. Is rant important in this world? Yes… so listen and listen well.

To the “enlightened” lady or gentleman that shoved religious propaganda through my door today, I will find out who you are and where you live. Don’t worry though… I won’t hurt or threaten you. I’m above that. I have a completely different mission. I will print out Darwin’s Origin of the Species and shove it through your door page by page.

Would you read it?

My assumption is no, as it would take time away from your bible studies and door to door “work”

I am absolutely sick and tired of religious messages being spread door to door via pamphlets and missionaires… or what ever the hell you want to call yourselves. Why? Because I am told I have to accept your right to do so… yet I have yet to meet a religious message spreader that would accept or appreciate my right (oh yes, I have the right) to spread the message of evolution via the same mediums and manner.

Now, I have taken the time to explain to many different religious groups that I am atheist and choose to be so after much research and study. So I know you are informed of my beliefs… yet I still get woken up on the weekend… and still find pamphlets and leaflets in the door and mailbox. As far as I’m concerned this is a blatant disregard for my beliefs. So If I came to your house repeatedly with my propaganda, would you file a complaint… or would you right in your blog, and continually throw out what you feel is garbage?

YES

If you have not taken the time to think for yourself, or to even attempt to look for the answer yourself with the resources afforded you, then chances are you will be asking a dumb question.

If you ask me while reading a website, “Is this all there is to see?” While looking at a tab or link that says “View More”, then you have asked a dumb question.

If you phone me at work (using my office number and not my cell number), and ask “Are you at work or at home?” you have just asked a dumb question

reamsbottom:(reemz.bah.tum): a person you should not ask stupid questions to, for fear of ridicule, humiliation and eye poking.

The Canadian election just came to an end… and nothing changed. Good thing we all went out to vote

Actually, we finally fell under a 60% turnout. How little we care about the outcomes in our country. It makes me wonder if we actually were taken over by a fascist gov’t if we would actually revolt. Would we? Or would we sit ideally by and as long as our lives didn’t drastically change, just allow it to happen.

I see the election in the US is coming to a close soon, and I wonder if the US citizens will do anything if there rights are further taken away by their future leader

Are we truly that asleep and lazy in North America, that as long as we can listen to our music, watch our TV, drive our crossovers, and eat our fast food, that we will do nothing to secure our freedom and rights?

I guess I shouldn’t criticize too hard, as I am not exactly a radical idealist, but at least I got out to vote.

Shame on you who didn’t vote. Your opinion does matter, and voting is practice for voicing your opinion when it matters more than an election that only substantiates a minority gov’t again.

Maybe we need to spend more time standing up for our rights in gov’t rather than yelling at the poor bastard working at DQ that always forgets my gravy… because one day, we might wake up and not be able to have gravy… or bacon. Fat men everywhere UNITE

reamsbottom(reemz.bah.tum): a person who recognizes the importance of an opinion