I have a personal question…
Wednesday, October 29th, 2008
So I was approached by a co-worker today in regards to a personal dilemma she had. She preceded the questions with “you have had lots of dating experience, so I thought I would ask you.” My memory fails me quite often, but I do believe she almost made quote marks with her fingers when she said “experience.” But that doesn’t matter… I was rather flattered, that a good-looking single woman, came to a married, fat guy for relationship advice.
Sidenote: Being a fat guy does not mean you don’t know how to please the ladies, win them over, or talk to them keeping their utmost interest … it simply means you can’t do so in a tiny car. I apologize for the digression from the story, but it had to be said.
So the question was, “How do I tell a guy I had one date with, that I don’t want to see him again?”
I responded with a question men everywhere will appreciate, “Bluntly.”
The reason I gave this answer, is because men are dumb when it comes to women. If we are attracted to you, and you say, “I can’t go out for dinner tonight, maybe some other time” we actually think you mean some other time. We don’t understand that you actually mean, “You have a nose hair issue, and you are kind of a nerd… you don’t even begin to meet my unreasonable standards.”
Bluntness is everyones friend. Men actually understand, and women don’t have to worry about a guy asking to go out with her ten times over. Oh and guys, I have to give you the man code warning; if the lady is nice enough to be blunt, take the hint, don’t be a dink.
So then my lovely coworker put much more faith in my relationship abilities, and asked what she should say. I have to admit, at this time, the smart ass in me took over. I am about to share with you some of the best let down lines I can think of, but lets be real… being blunt does not mean you have to be rude.
1. I would love to go for dinner, but the though of you makes me throw up in my mouth a little bit, so for health reasons I can’t.
2. I would love to go out for coffee, but I was hoping to go with your smarter, better looking, younger brother. You do have a brother right?
3. I would love to go out with you, but I was hoping to have kids one day, and you just don’t have the genes I’m looking for, so I’ll have turn you down. It’s not that you aren’t a nice guy, I just don’t want to be responsible for the demise of our species by letting you mate.
Okay, so those are pretty rude… I agree. I would never say that nor want that said to me. Instead I said, “Thanks thinking of me, and thankfor the offer, but I’m afraid I will have to pass on your offer. Take care.” How nice is that! And its blunt! No need for turning down the guy again.. unless he’s an idiot. No need to feel that he ma misconstrue your meaning.
Yes he will be disappointed, but he won’t think you a liar and he won’t think you rude. All he will think is , “Shit, I blew my chances with that girl.” And really is this not the ultimate goal.
I have learnt something in all my dating experience, and that is that we waste our own time by not being blunt and going for what we want. Everyone has certain things they want in a relationship. What are those things, does the person you date have those things? No. Then answer why you are in the relationship. If the answer is that the person you are dating made you realize you want new things… then definitely explore the relationship. If the answer is “I don’t know” then get the hell out, and search some more. Don’t stay in a relationship to not be alone, stay in a relationship because that person makes your engine purr.
Most importantly, if a guy or girl asks you out, and you don’t want to go, don’t feel guilty for saying no. But say no for the right reasons.
Finally, I would just like to point out, that I am so happy I’m married. Not only am I happy because I have found that woman that makes my engine purr, my lips smile and my heart pound, but also because after helping my coworker today, I realized how great it is to be married. The challenges are new. Marriage challenges different comfort levels and the rewards are that much greater. It isn’t so much the certificate of marriage that accomplishes this, but the sense that you have found the person you want to grow old with
reamsbottom(reemz.bah.tum): 1. a man who loves his wife. 2. a person to grow old with.
